It started back in 2017, when I got heavy into fitness and decided I wanted to transform my physique. When I did the research to see what I needed to do as quickly as possible to get the cliché Instagram body. I started working out every day, pushing myself and also dieting, restricting my food intake, labelling foods as "good foods" and "bad foods". I slowly realized that my relationship with food had been compromised. Not only that, but I started to overthink everything I put into my body, I tracked, I weighed, I portioned all of it. My Mental health slowly went downhill, and I became extremely miserable, feeling out of control and guilty anytime I ate what I labelled as "off limits". I had this thought in my mind that if I ate anything outside my regular healthy meals I would ruin my body, physique, and gain weight.
Fast forward to 2020, beginning of quarantine, I came to live with my partner in Toronto, so we could be together during these hard times. Him being a huge foodie and loved cooking, he began cooking daily meals for us that included ALL the things I deemed as bad (sauce, butter, seasoning, olive oil) I panicked at first, but did not want to disappoint or have him think I was weird, so I ate every meal (which was always delicious). I slowly began to eat regular foods, eat intuitively once my hunger and fullness cues came back eventually. I realize that I had been too hard on myself, my body can handle a lot more food than my mind wanted to admit.
I finally did it! I broke out of my shell, this toxic cycle of binge and restrict for years, and I no longer obsessed over foods, what my next meal was going to be, and actually FORGOT to eat sometimes (which can be a big deal for those who struggle with eating disorders).
I am very thankful with how far I have come with my relationship with food, and my body is thanking me for it every single day, and I am thanking my partner every day with the impact he has had on my healed relationship with food.